Fringe candidates define themselves on recall ballot

By RON HARRIS
Associated Press Writer

SAN FRANCISCO (AP) The 135 challengers on California's recall ballot get one equal opportunity to attract voter support the pithy self-descriptions that soon will appear in brochures sent to every registered voter.

So how do a musician, a retired meat packer, a sumo wrestler and a psychologist-farmer with few hopes of competing for media attention sum up their qualifications for the state's highest office?

``I breathe,'' offered information technology manager Kevin Richter, in a two-word statement that surely should win an award for brevity, if not wit. Richter, who lives in Manteca, is one of 42 Republican also-runners vying for recognition on the stuffed ballot.

Submitted by candidates along with their filing papers, these personal or in some cases, perfunctory statements are already available online. Each 250 words or less, they offer the most detailed look yet at the motivations that are driving California's mad experiment in mass democracy.

Venice-based artist Trek Thunder Kelly, running as an Independent, advocates the legalization of many vices, including drugs, gambling and prostitution, in his candid declaration.

``I'm really tackling this whole thing as a performance art piece,'' Kelly explained over the phone. ``This is like reality TV meets art.''

Kelly said he's received some invitations to debate other candidates, but is dreaming up a more high profile approach to gain voter recognition ``If that means skydiving into Arianna Huffington's press conference, one should do that,'' Kelly mused.

There's also a porn slate of sorts, consisting of adult film starlet Mary ``Mary Carey'' Cook and porn magnate Larry Flynt, who wants himself described as ``publisher'' on the ballot.

``California is the most progressive state in the union, and I'm sure its citizens would welcome having a smut peddler who cares as their governor,'' Flynt's statement elaborates.

Kurt E. ``Tachikaze'' Rightmeyer, an Independent from West Covina, promises in his statement to ``attack the 800-lb. gorilla of big government from every angle.'' And who can doubt him? After all, his ballot description is ``sumo wrestler.''

The high-profile candidates are afforded the same opportunity for self-promotion as their lesser-known rivals. Commentator Arianna Huffington, for instance, lists her occupation as ``author/columnist/mother.'' Arnold Schwarzenegger describes himself as ``actor/businessman.''

On the bulging ballot, Cruz M. Bustamante is the only candidate with ``Lieutenant Governor'' anywhere near his name. Former baseball commissioner Peter Ueberroth and Bill Simon, last year's Republican nominee, went for the classic ``businessman.''

There are other familiar names on the ballot as well, although none live up to the political pedigree they suggest: ``small business owner'' Robert ``Butch'' Dole and ``businessman/educator'' Edward ``Ed'' Kennedy.

The race even includes a punk rocker, Jack Grisham, although the frontman for the seminal punk outfit T.S.O.L., a.k.a. True Sounds Of Liberty reached out to other genres by describing himself as a ``musician-laborer.''

``My objective is to guide, protect, to help where needed and to respect the citizens of California,'' reads Grisham's statement, referring voters to a Web site for more information.

``I am an average citizen and I believe that I understand what the average Californian wants, because I have walked a mile in your shoes,'' Grisham elaborates on the site.

With those words, a man known for a song titled ``Abolish Government,'' is now a real candidate for governor.

For better or worse, they all are.

(Copyright 2003 by The Associated Press. All Rights Reserved.)